Valentine’s Day gift for your writer (Guest Post)

Hey you guys! It’s that time again, guest blogger day! Today, we have that wicked insomniac with a bad attitude and a case of the swears, Starr from The Insomniac’s Dream. If you’re new here, she is my bloggy bestie and we pop up on each other’s blogs often. In fact, I visited hers on Wednesday and talked about taking chances. (You may want to drop by and read that, too.) Today Starr is giving you advice on what your writer really needs for Valentine’s Day. (And if you’re the writer, pass it on to your significant other.) Take it away Starr…

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http://penpaperpad.comIt’s Valentine’s Day. On this momentous (and quite frankly, commercialized and worthless) Holiday, what could you possibly get for your writer to make her happy?

Buying Valentine’s Day gifts is hard enough.  The Holiday is notorious for horrible gifts, thoughtless gestures, and pissed off couples everywhere fuming at their significant other.   Throw a writer into the mix, and you’re doomed. 

Well, maybe not.  Chances are your writer doesn’t even know what day of the week it is or what planet she lives on, let alone that it’s that contrived day of the year when you’re obligated to buy something for her to prove your love. Even if she is aware it’s the “day of love”, in most cases, whatever story she’s wrapped in, whatever tale she’s weaving, is far more fascinating than your failed attempt at romance once a year.  

(Never mind the other 364 days of the year you can tell someone you love them.  Never mind that you can show someone how much you care without materialistic and overpriced gifts.)

Let’s be real, folks.  Flowers die.  A box of chocolates is, on average, going to relinquish two nuggets of delicious delight and the rest will be tossed into the trash after one nibble.  Unless your writer is a famous author going on a book signing tour, just when do you think she’ll ever have occasion to wear jewelry?  In the middle of the afternoon when she’s trying to hit a deadline; still in her pajamas, her bedraggled bed hair sticking up all over, I’m sure she’d love to wear fancy pants baubles.  

So, what does every writer want?  What could you possibly give her on Valentine’s Day that would make her love you oh, so much?

1.  Time:  Your writer needs time.  Between work, the house, the kids, and your needy selfish ass, she hardly has any time in the day to write all the words she wants to write.  Give her the gift of time.   Whatever you can do to free up her hours and afford her more time, do it.  Run a load of laundry, take the kids to Kung Fu, or cook dinner. (On second thought, don’t do that, you’ll probably just make a huge mess in the kitchen she’ll have to deal with later- order out.)  Give her time.  Leave her the fuck alone and let her make words.  

2.  Quiet:  Much like time, quiet is one of the most sought after comforts a writer seeks.  And seldom afforded.  Turn off the TV (and stop yelling at it, you are never going to change the outcome of a sport by yelling like a barbaric ape) and take the kids out for awhile.  If you have noisy, annoying pets, take them to the pound.  Just kidding.  Don’t really take your animals to certain Euthanization.  Just muzzle them for the day. 

3. Food:  Bring your writer her favorite fattening dinner from a greasy fast food place.  Wherever she goes to eat her feels, pick that place and you’re an automatic winner.  Drop it off on her desk.  Don’t talk.  Don’t bother her.  Do not stand there and wait for recognition and appreciation.  

If your writer does wish to dine out for the evening, take her somewhere fantastically fun.  Writers like to experience new things and they love to people watch.  If you can hit both of those and feed her, you might get lucky later.  

4.  Coffee:  Writers are notorious for their outrageous intake of the caffeinated beverages.  Get your writer her favorite brew from Starbucks, and I don’t mean bring her a cup of coffee, you cheap ass.  Buy a bag of coffee grounds that will bring her enjoyment for several days.  Get her a new coffee mug, something special that speaks of her.  I refer to these as “writer mugs”.  A writer’s favorite mug(s) are something special.  If she’s a nerd, get her a TARDIS cup; if she’s “one of those” moms get her the “World’s Best Mom” mug.  Choose carefully, and she will treasure this mug and use it often.  

5.  Booze:  Yet another beverage writers are famous for imbibing in great quantities.  Buy her a bottle (or ten) of her favorite alcohol.  In fact, this is a great idea for both of you.  She’s happy.  You get some action after a few glasses.  It’s a win for everyone.

6.  Journals and pens: Nothing screams, “I love you and understand you, honey!” like gifting your writer with journals and pens in her favorite colors that express her personality.  Much like coffee mugs, these need to be chosen with care.

7.  Books:  Writers love to read as much as they love to write.  Get her a few new novels by her favorite author.

Most of all, be understanding and patient with your writer.  In fact, do this every day of the year.  Love her, support her, attempt a bit of understanding every day, and your writer will return your love tenfold.

She might even dedicate her next book to you. 

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http://penpaperpad.comStarr works from her home in Arizona as  a freelance writer. Her writing ranges from humor laced snarkfests, gritty non-fiction all the way to her recently discovered dark world of Erotica. The author behind The Insomniac’s Dream, she claims blogging was only the beginning of an amazing freelancing career.

She also writes fiction and is working on a book in her spare time, when she’s not busy with her two tween boys. Her claim to fame is her caustic wit, copious swears and an ongoing battle with insomnia.

She aspires to be a Vampire someday. Catch her if you can on Facebook, Follow her on Twitter. Check out her Pinterest boards.

 

Let me know if you’d like to guest post. I’m always looking for new people to talk about the writer’s life. Aloha y’all!

33 Comments

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33 Responses to Valentine’s Day gift for your writer (Guest Post)

  1. I love the “quiet” one. Silence is so precious. Plus the books! These are really great. Thanks for sharing.
    AJ Everton recently posted..Holy Coffee!My Profile

  2. Love the list of gifts for writers. My husband is in the process of helping me turn our grown-up son’s room into my retreat. Looking forward to reading more of your posts. #SITSBlogging
    Laura Ehlers recently posted..This Pretty Much Sums up TodayMy Profile

  3. I just emailed this to my husband with the subject line: Why I am still awake at 4:50 am

    Poor man gets double whammy’d on V-day since it is also my b-day. Although this year he got it semi-right and instead of flowers and chocolate (which I hate) I got a dslr and a pitcher of margaritas. Maybe one day he will get the quiet and time thing? A girl can wish…#SITSBlogging.
    Stephanie recently posted..Quick n’ Easy Turkey WrapsMy Profile

  4. Kim

    This post is all kinds of win. Yup.

    Feed me and leave me the hell alone when I am writing and I will reward you later. In the morning, leave the coffee on my desk and back away slowly. At night, repeat with wine. And keep the damn cats entertained! That is all.

  5. Damn! Hubby let me know that he already bought me a gift for V-day tomorrow – and I’m sure that whatever it is it’s not one of these great gifts that you listed above! LOL I’d be thrilled with any of these items that you listed – instead I’m probably getting a new crockpot or some such “practical” gift (per his definition). I love him for thinking ahead AND feel guilty all at the same time because I’ve been so busy writing and blogging that I haven’t even gotten him a card yet – and the big day of romance is tomorrow. Guess I’m going to have to put down the journals and pens that I love so much and step away from the keyboard to be more of a sweetheart and less of a writer tomorrow — and it’s not going to be easy! Oh the sacrifices we writers have to make! 😀 Love this post!!!!
    Marcia @ Blogitudes recently posted..A Simple Act of KindnessMy Profile

  6. hilarious! loved this! dropping by from #sits

  7. This is awesome!! I doubled the trouble! My anniversary is the 16th!! How evil am I? Well he won’t forget and I double up on the grief and guilt I can dish out!! *insert evil laugh*

  8. THIS. So much this. I’m pinning it, tweeting it and emailing it to my husband. Nailed it!
    Joy Christi recently posted..MWW Don’t Fight The VDMy Profile

  9. How cute that the blogger besties swapped this week! I love it. Brilliant – forwarding this list to my husband, printing out a copy for his desk, and for the mirror in the bathroom. I might even tack it to the wall in front of the pisser. I would love booze and wine…and time…oh that would be so very precious….
    Mandi recently posted..Lovepocalypse Take 2My Profile

  10. I’m pretty much gonna get NONE of that, I can tell. Except space and time, because *somehow* Man has manged to get an abscess and needs a tooth pulled TOMORROW. V-day. The lengths some guys will go to to avoid having to participate, huh?

    Starr, I’d get you purple pens, a big sign for your door which says “Fuck off, I’m busy” and a T-shirt with Oscar the Grouch on it 😀
    Considerer recently posted..Shadows and StardustMy Profile

  11. Journals, pens, and books are always favorite gifts to receive and to buy for myself. 🙂 #SITSBlogging
    Thauna recently posted..A Spoonful of SugarMy Profile

  12. I freakin’ love this! You are hilarious, and SO SPOT ON with every single one of those! I found myself nodding throughout. I have a favorite writing mug that has red lettering meticulously placed to make the shape of a heart that reads, “write like a mother fucker”. haha! It’s the best mug EVAH.

    Time and silence. Best things I could ever ask for.
    beth teliho recently posted..That Time A Comedian Stripped For Me. Sort of.My Profile

  13. Thanks for having me Tamara! I hope I did you proud.
    The Insomniac’s Dream recently posted..What Every Writer Wants on Valentine’s DayMy Profile

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