Hey you guys! It’s that time again, guest blogger day! Today, we have that wicked insomniac with a bad attitude and a case of the swears, Starr from The Insomniac’s Dream. If you’re new here, she is my bloggy bestie and we pop up on each other’s blogs often. In fact, I visited hers on Wednesday and talked about taking chances. (You may want to drop by and read that, too.) Today Starr is giving you advice on what your writer really needs for Valentine’s Day. (And if you’re the writer, pass it on to your significant other.) Take it away Starr…
It’s Valentine’s Day. On this momentous (and quite frankly, commercialized and worthless) Holiday, what could you possibly get for your writer to make her happy?
Buying Valentine’s Day gifts is hard enough. The Holiday is notorious for horrible gifts, thoughtless gestures, and pissed off couples everywhere fuming at their significant other. Throw a writer into the mix, and you’re doomed.
Well, maybe not. Chances are your writer doesn’t even know what day of the week it is or what planet she lives on, let alone that it’s that contrived day of the year when you’re obligated to buy something for her to prove your love. Even if she is aware it’s the “day of love”, in most cases, whatever story she’s wrapped in, whatever tale she’s weaving, is far more fascinating than your failed attempt at romance once a year.
(Never mind the other 364 days of the year you can tell someone you love them. Never mind that you can show someone how much you care without materialistic and overpriced gifts.)
Let’s be real, folks. Flowers die. A box of chocolates is, on average, going to relinquish two nuggets of delicious delight and the rest will be tossed into the trash after one nibble. Unless your writer is a famous author going on a book signing tour, just when do you think she’ll ever have occasion to wear jewelry? In the middle of the afternoon when she’s trying to hit a deadline; still in her pajamas, her bedraggled bed hair sticking up all over, I’m sure she’d love to wear fancy pants baubles.
So, what does every writer want? What could you possibly give her on Valentine’s Day that would make her love you oh, so much?
1. Time: Your writer needs time. Between work, the house, the kids, and your needy selfish ass, she hardly has any time in the day to write all the words she wants to write. Give her the gift of time. Whatever you can do to free up her hours and afford her more time, do it. Run a load of laundry, take the kids to Kung Fu, or cook dinner. (On second thought, don’t do that, you’ll probably just make a huge mess in the kitchen she’ll have to deal with later- order out.) Give her time. Leave her the fuck alone and let her make words.
2. Quiet: Much like time, quiet is one of the most sought after comforts a writer seeks. And seldom afforded. Turn off the TV (and stop yelling at it, you are never going to change the outcome of a sport by yelling like a barbaric ape) and take the kids out for awhile. If you have noisy, annoying pets, take them to the pound. Just kidding. Don’t really take your animals to certain Euthanization. Just muzzle them for the day.
3. Food: Bring your writer her favorite fattening dinner from a greasy fast food place. Wherever she goes to eat her feels, pick that place and you’re an automatic winner. Drop it off on her desk. Don’t talk. Don’t bother her. Do not stand there and wait for recognition and appreciation.
If your writer does wish to dine out for the evening, take her somewhere fantastically fun. Writers like to experience new things and they love to people watch. If you can hit both of those and feed her, you might get lucky later.
4. Coffee: Writers are notorious for their outrageous intake of the caffeinated beverages. Get your writer her favorite brew from Starbucks, and I don’t mean bring her a cup of coffee, you cheap ass. Buy a bag of coffee grounds that will bring her enjoyment for several days. Get her a new coffee mug, something special that speaks of her. I refer to these as “writer mugs”. A writer’s favorite mug(s) are something special. If she’s a nerd, get her a TARDIS cup; if she’s “one of those” moms get her the “World’s Best Mom” mug. Choose carefully, and she will treasure this mug and use it often.
5. Booze: Yet another beverage writers are famous for imbibing in great quantities. Buy her a bottle (or ten) of her favorite alcohol. In fact, this is a great idea for both of you. She’s happy. You get some action after a few glasses. It’s a win for everyone.
6. Journals and pens: Nothing screams, “I love you and understand you, honey!” like gifting your writer with journals and pens in her favorite colors that express her personality. Much like coffee mugs, these need to be chosen with care.
7. Books: Writers love to read as much as they love to write. Get her a few new novels by her favorite author.
Most of all, be understanding and patient with your writer. In fact, do this every day of the year. Love her, support her, attempt a bit of understanding every day, and your writer will return your love tenfold.
She might even dedicate her next book to you.
Starr works from her home in Arizona as a freelance writer. Her writing ranges from humor laced snarkfests, gritty non-fiction all the way to her recently discovered dark world of Erotica. The author behind The Insomniac’s Dream, she claims blogging was only the beginning of an amazing freelancing career.
She also writes fiction and is working on a book in her spare time, when she’s not busy with her two tween boys. Her claim to fame is her caustic wit, copious swears and an ongoing battle with insomnia.
She aspires to be a Vampire someday. Catch her if you can on Facebook, Follow her on Twitter. Check out her Pinterest boards.
Let me know if you’d like to guest post. I’m always looking for new people to talk about the writer’s life. Aloha y’all!