Every year, 4th of July has the same kind of feel all over the country: bar-b-ques, swimming, togetherness, day off of work, beers (like this Yuengling that I’m drinking, America’s oldest brewery) and of course, fireworks.
For some reason, the day is always punctuated by some guy (usually), who has blown off an appendage by using some illegal fireworks, like this guy.
I love fireworks, they’re awesome. They make loud sounds, pretty colors and smoke: and I dig all three of these things. However, if you’re going to be shooting off fireworks, here’s some basics, just off the top of my head:
1. Don’t look at the firework closely b/c it hasn’t gone off. It will probably go off in your face. Haven’t you watched Looney Tunes before? C’mon!
2. Don’t hold the firework in your hand so it can fly out of your crazy handmade tube or whatever. You’re going to loose a limb.
3. Make your McGuyver rig sturdy. It will fall down, or it will shift, changing direction of the firework: You will catch someone’s house, car, dog or face on fire. Mayhaps even a tree. And remember-if you can’t Duct it, F*ck it.
4. Light it and move out the way. You don’t need to stand right beside it, or above it to watch it blow, Mr. Arsonist.
5. Realize that when you’re using the commercial fireworks, you’re risking blowing your body off. Even if it does look cool (The rockets red glare, not your body bursting in the air. What? Too soon?)
Alright, these are my tips…or you could do the smarter thing and just buy the regulation fireworks and leave the huge explosions to the professionals.
Happy 4th of July everyone!